Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
PANTIES FOUND
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