i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
