We're facebook friends in real life
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
