So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
