i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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