can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
