he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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