I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
