Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
