Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
