the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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