the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
