Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
