I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
