If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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