I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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