just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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