I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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