very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
