There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
