Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
