i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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