he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
