dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
