So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We talked him into tasing himself.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
