It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
