i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
soo... how was my night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
