please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
