I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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