I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
