Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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