Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
