Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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