im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
