The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
