doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
