I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
