I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
