carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
