Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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