I saw his package. It spoke to me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
