Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
