I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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