Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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