At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
