So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
