Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
