BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
