she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
