She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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