you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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