I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
