Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
