We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
