I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
